Please, let me fuck your mom
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
