That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
