ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
