My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
