i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
