If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
