you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
