Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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