So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
