omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
