True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
