3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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