How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
