Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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