I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
