Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
