Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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