i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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