my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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