i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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