this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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