i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
