so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
