why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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