Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My ATM looks so different sober.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
