I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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