Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
