If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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