the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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