My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i out mim tonsoeep
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
