I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The air was thick with penises
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
