I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
