Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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