I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
