first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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