Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
