I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
