If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
as a side note pls kill me
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