Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
