Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
