now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
