I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
