uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
