my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
