Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
