Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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