I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
