I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
