there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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