Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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