my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
