Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
