remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
