quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
